Recently I have been so consumed with thinking that I have come to a point where I can't even write about one main subject. So many thoughts swirling in my brain and now I am struggling with the means to express them. My goal today is to write a little about everything that is on my mind, to get it out there and on paper (so to say) so I can get it off my brain and come back to it when I have a clear mind. This is very impromptu so let's see where it takes me:
Boys (of course it is the first thing on my mind)-Oh men, how you can be so confusing, one second you act interested and the next you are onto the next piece of pretty ass in the room. When she leaves you are right back and get mad when I am hurt and want to leave because you don't want it to be over. Yet you tell me one day that I come on to strong and the next that I don't show enough affection. You tell me that after almost 3 month of seeing each other there are no real feelings there and you just like hanging out yet you get hurt and upset if I talk about other guys or don't want to hang out. Then you tell me you really are looking for that special someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with but it is not me and then when I bring it up when you say the same thing to me a month later you say that it could be? Reader, I am sure you can probably tell that I am talking about a real person and situation and yes, this is what I deal with on a weekly basis. Days will go by and everything is fine and then one night after a couple 30 packs are gone between 6-8 friends things turn sour. Why does it have to be a roller coaster?
Work- I have been contemplating getting a second job so that I can make a little more money and get out of the house but the last thing I want to become is a workaholic and have no time for my friends or family. It's not not really about the money for the need of a second place of employment more then a way to get out of the house and meet new people since I work from home, hence all the thinking that I do. I think I will look this evening to see what is out there and we will see where that takes me.
Health- The next couple month coming up will be hard on me for the pocket book and for my body when it comes to tests and procedures. One of the luxuries of being a woman is you get to do this thing called and "Annual" where they pry you open and scrap your lady insides and check you out. Well September happens to be that month for me that I get to experience this every year. While visiting my doctor a couple month ago I mentioned that my appointment was coming up and I needed to schedule it. I initially went in to change my form of birth control and she mentioned placing me with an IUD. Over the last couple months I have been thinking about this option and have decided it is something that I want to do. That is also something that will be happening this month and I hear that it is not pleasant. Next up, Gardasil shot series. I am almost too old to be able to have the shots but have about another year to take it. If you haven't heard what Gardasil is visit http://www.gardasil.com/ for more information. Every woman ages 12-26 should get vaccinated. Ok lets see what's next....Ah yes, Cat Scan. So to catch many of you up to speed last year around this time of the year I felt like I had a heart attack while travelling for work. I was scared and frightened and in pain. I was flown back home by my company and then went into the hospital for a series of tests. One thing they ended up doing is a Cat Scan that came back clean except for some Bulla's (Cyst type growths) http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/bulla on the lower left part of my heart. They advised me to have them checked in a year to see if they have gone away so that brings us to this month to get them checked out. I hope and pray that they are no longer there and it is not something more series. And lastly, my followup from my GERD diagnosis from a year ago. My new doctor would like to do a biopsy to see the severity of the damage and see if we need to alter my medication. I am hoping that the medication that I have taken over the past year has helped with my condition and that I am on the road to recover. To also learn more about GERD visit http://www.gerd.com/consumer/gerd.aspx for more information. So as you can tell I am not looking forward to spending the next month being probed, scanned and shot, not a fun thing at all.
Family- I have to say that I have been neglecting spending time with my family. I live no more then 5 miles away from them and don't even see them on a weekly basis except for the brother who lives with me. I feel very bad for this and need to make a conscious effort to make time in each week to spend with each one of them. They are bright, fun, loving siblings (well almost all of them) and I am sure that I could learn a thing or two from their knowledge and their willing to share it with the world. I think I am going to start that today. I will have them over for the evening and play scrabble. We all really love that game together.
Friends- Recently I have been trying to hang out as much as I can with my friends. I catch myself double booking things and then having to cancel with both parties. I need to focus on a more structured way of communication with my friends that I don't see on a regular basis. When I don't I forget that I plan things and then I never show up. I owe two very good friends an apology for this last weekend. It was crazy and hectic and that is no excuse so please accept my apology for not making it to our arrangements. I promise I will make it up to you. You both know who you are.
Living Arrangements- Faris and I will be welcoming my other brother here from Saudi Arabia at the end of this month. I am so excited to see him and at the same time I am stressed as well. Fawaz will be moving in with us and we currently only have a 2 bedroom condo. I need to get the ball rolling on trying to buy a house with three bedrooms so that we can live comfortably together. This situation has been a major cause of stress for me and I am looking forward to the day where I wont have to deal with it anymore.
After just reading through my blog just a moment ago I realized it is time to call this post quits. I have elaborated on many things in my life and have given myself material for future posts that I am sure you will enjoy. As for now I have freed my mind for more thoughts to come in. There is already one that is new and fresh on my mind. What do you think of a blog about my life growing up and how I got to where I was today from me as a child? It would be very sad in the beginning but I think that it would be good therapy not only for me but for others. I'll ponder on that for a few days but until then, keep reading.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Being honest with yourself....
Once you are honest with yourself you can be honest with others. More then you realize, honesty is a very important thing in any relationship but it starts with you. The more that you lie to yourself the more you portray that onto others. For example, I always tell myself that I am tuff and that I don't care what happens when it comes to having a relationship with someone. Guess what, they end up thinking that too and it doesn't work in my favor. I am not being honest with myself. I hide how I really feel in the attempt to not get hurt but in the end I am only hurting myself and ultimately the other person as well if those same feelings are returned.
Honesty is not something that comes easy. Did you know the average person tells 3 lies in a 10 minutes conversation, says psychologist Robert Feldman. So how do we overcome this? Well it starts with you. Start being honest with yourself and you will find that it will be easier to be honest with others. Read this great article by Jessica Bennett from Newsweek. She expands on the fact that we are a culture of liars. http://www.newsweek.com/id/213575 Enjoy!
Honesty is not something that comes easy. Did you know the average person tells 3 lies in a 10 minutes conversation, says psychologist Robert Feldman. So how do we overcome this? Well it starts with you. Start being honest with yourself and you will find that it will be easier to be honest with others. Read this great article by Jessica Bennett from Newsweek. She expands on the fact that we are a culture of liars. http://www.newsweek.com/id/213575 Enjoy!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Dreams, Do they really have true meaning?
I have often pondered if my dreams are trying to tell me something that I often times may not be willing to accept. They are like my inner voice that comes out when my conscious finally rests from a tiresome day. It has been a few months since the last time that I analyzed my dreams but decided today that I would look up my dream from last night. I often frequent http://www.dreammoods.com/ to give me the information that I am looking for. They provide a nice variety of possible interpretations with an easy to use search utility. As for my dream last night I am only able to remember bits and pieces but have three main things that I do remember from my dream: Attending a baby shower, Falling in Love, and dreaming of work. Here is what www.dreammoods.com says about those three topics.
Baby Shower To dream of a baby shower, suggests that you are welcoming a new start. You are given a chance to start over again and do things differently this time around. You have a new found faith in life itself.
To dream of love of being in love, suggests intense feelings carried over from a waking relationship. It implies happiness and contentment with what you have and where you are in life. On the other hand, you may not be getting enough love in your daily life. We naturally long for the sense to belong and to be accepted.
To dream that you are at work, indicates that you are experiencing some anxiety about a current project or task. The dream may also be telling you that you need to "get back to work".� Perhaps you have been slacking and need to pick up the pace.
So with those items spelled out here is my own interpretation. I have been on the look out to have a new start in life to accept changes, people, experiences and such. I may not have the new found faith in life itself but am willing to take on new challenges and adventures. On the love side of things I can agree with the second portion to that statement. "On the other hand, you may not be getting enough love in your daily life. We naturally long for the sense to belong and to be accepted." This could reference back to my post about being single and the struggles that come along with it. I know I am missing the love of a companion currently but am not willing to push it to happen just to feel comfortable. When it is right I will know. Until then, I think this dream may frequent my mind often. And lastly, Work. The little four letter word that always eats away at me. So last night I stayed up till 11:30 finishing a project that needed to be completed by the end of the month. I had another project that I wanted to start but decided to call it quits for the day. That feeling of guilt for not starting the project sooner definitely must have carried over into my dreams.
If you remember your dreams I definitely recommend writing them down in the morning when you wake up and then when you have time to visit http://www.dreammoods.com/ for your own personal analysis of your dreams. Even if you believe that your dreams may have no meaning, take the time to investigate what they could be saying. You may be surprised to find out that your dreams really do relate to your waking life. As for me, I think I will start a "Dream Journal" just for kicks. Who knows what my dreams will tell me in the future.
Baby Shower To dream of a baby shower, suggests that you are welcoming a new start. You are given a chance to start over again and do things differently this time around. You have a new found faith in life itself.
To dream of love of being in love, suggests intense feelings carried over from a waking relationship. It implies happiness and contentment with what you have and where you are in life. On the other hand, you may not be getting enough love in your daily life. We naturally long for the sense to belong and to be accepted.
To dream that you are at work, indicates that you are experiencing some anxiety about a current project or task. The dream may also be telling you that you need to "get back to work".� Perhaps you have been slacking and need to pick up the pace.
So with those items spelled out here is my own interpretation. I have been on the look out to have a new start in life to accept changes, people, experiences and such. I may not have the new found faith in life itself but am willing to take on new challenges and adventures. On the love side of things I can agree with the second portion to that statement. "On the other hand, you may not be getting enough love in your daily life. We naturally long for the sense to belong and to be accepted." This could reference back to my post about being single and the struggles that come along with it. I know I am missing the love of a companion currently but am not willing to push it to happen just to feel comfortable. When it is right I will know. Until then, I think this dream may frequent my mind often. And lastly, Work. The little four letter word that always eats away at me. So last night I stayed up till 11:30 finishing a project that needed to be completed by the end of the month. I had another project that I wanted to start but decided to call it quits for the day. That feeling of guilt for not starting the project sooner definitely must have carried over into my dreams.
If you remember your dreams I definitely recommend writing them down in the morning when you wake up and then when you have time to visit http://www.dreammoods.com/ for your own personal analysis of your dreams. Even if you believe that your dreams may have no meaning, take the time to investigate what they could be saying. You may be surprised to find out that your dreams really do relate to your waking life. As for me, I think I will start a "Dream Journal" just for kicks. Who knows what my dreams will tell me in the future.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Where is the Neighborly love?
Sunday August 23rd 8:30 pm
There is a knock at my door, I open it to find my neighbor and the local Sheriff to file a police report against me. I guess when I pulled into the carport there was a little tube of paint that I ran over and it got on her car. Do you think she waited to talk to me directly about the matter before phoning the police? No! So here I am shocked, pissed and overly emotional from my shitty weekend that I start to make her feel like crap for not coming to me first right in front of the officer. Did she call the police because she thought we were foreigners and would not resolve the matter responsibly? Did she smell the curry and hear our Arabic T.V. shows playing and thought that she needed police assistance? What has the world come to these days? I am over people who are rude, insensitive, inconsiderate, selfish, vain, etc. The list goes on and on.
I am done being the "nice girl" as I have been classified so many times. In the end all that happens is the fact that I get walked all over and then shoved aside. This doesn't mean that I am going to turn into a raging bitch but this is warning that I am going to start doing things for me and start standing up for myself. So, to my new neighbor who sent her "welcome to the neighborhood" calling to me via the police, go to hell. You could have come to me and asked to work it out in a reasonable manner. Maybe you should think about your actions before you go and bestow your wrath on your new neighbors.
There is a knock at my door, I open it to find my neighbor and the local Sheriff to file a police report against me. I guess when I pulled into the carport there was a little tube of paint that I ran over and it got on her car. Do you think she waited to talk to me directly about the matter before phoning the police? No! So here I am shocked, pissed and overly emotional from my shitty weekend that I start to make her feel like crap for not coming to me first right in front of the officer. Did she call the police because she thought we were foreigners and would not resolve the matter responsibly? Did she smell the curry and hear our Arabic T.V. shows playing and thought that she needed police assistance? What has the world come to these days? I am over people who are rude, insensitive, inconsiderate, selfish, vain, etc. The list goes on and on.
I am done being the "nice girl" as I have been classified so many times. In the end all that happens is the fact that I get walked all over and then shoved aside. This doesn't mean that I am going to turn into a raging bitch but this is warning that I am going to start doing things for me and start standing up for myself. So, to my new neighbor who sent her "welcome to the neighborhood" calling to me via the police, go to hell. You could have come to me and asked to work it out in a reasonable manner. Maybe you should think about your actions before you go and bestow your wrath on your new neighbors.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Struggles of Dating
For being almost 25 I have had my fair share of relationships and can say that it doesn't get any easier the older you get. It may actually even be harder then it was when we were in high school. As crazy of a statement as it seems I will tell you why it has been harder for me.
Communication:
I currently struggle to clearly express myself to others. In the past I have been great at communicating how I feel. Now, after being with someone for almost 3 years who couldn't and wouldn't do it themselves it seems that I have also clearly learned to do the same. This leads to mixed signals and even sometimes signs of not being interested when that is not actually the case. Definitely something I need to work on.
Facebook, Myspace, Texting......all bad ways to begin a relationship:
We are in a world of technology and often times we hide behind that to mask who we really are. We may not do it intentionally but how can you get to really know who someone is by just communicating in the 'Cyber' world? I find myself sending and receiving text messages, posts and emails that can be interpreted differently then their initial intentions. When you have those same conversations face to face you are able to better gauge the true meaning behind the conversation.
Place you meet Potential Dating Prospects:
If you are a drinker, where is the most common place you meet people? At Bars or Clubs. Half the time you are drunk, horny and looking for the 'special someone' that you can have a one night stand with. I know, it's harsh but more often then not men and women (yes women, we are not innocent of this act) brave the night for some good lovin. That being said, how is it possible to really meet someone of dating quality in that type of environment? There are other places to meet people: church, through friends, random run ins at a store, the gym, etc. but for me this never happens. I don't go to church, have kept the same group of friends who all have boyfriends, never go to the store to shop, and dread being picked up at the gym. So where does that leave me? Online dating? Well from the previous paragraph you can probably tell that is not for me either. See my dilemma?
Competition......Yes, I really did say it.
No matter what anyone tells you we are all jealous. There are different levels of jealousy not to mention ways in which to express it but it is in all of us. My jealousy lies in the competition. Yes I do check out other girls, Yes I try to pick out their flaws and compare myself and Yes, I be-friend those girls to know my competition. This is my personal struggle in the dating world because maybe I am so concerned about my competition and what they think that it takes away from my personality. (Note to self: Stop!)
Honestly, I could go on and on with this one. So if you have someone and you love them, hold on to them tight. Don't let go, seize each moment with them. Enjoy life and having someone to enjoy it with because when you are single and in the dating world it is not as fun as you think it may be. The grass is not always greener on the other side. It is not all fun and games. But there is one thing that I do know, even though love is a battlefield I am ready to wage war. Because after the war there is always a victory.
Communication:
I currently struggle to clearly express myself to others. In the past I have been great at communicating how I feel. Now, after being with someone for almost 3 years who couldn't and wouldn't do it themselves it seems that I have also clearly learned to do the same. This leads to mixed signals and even sometimes signs of not being interested when that is not actually the case. Definitely something I need to work on.
Facebook, Myspace, Texting......all bad ways to begin a relationship:
We are in a world of technology and often times we hide behind that to mask who we really are. We may not do it intentionally but how can you get to really know who someone is by just communicating in the 'Cyber' world? I find myself sending and receiving text messages, posts and emails that can be interpreted differently then their initial intentions. When you have those same conversations face to face you are able to better gauge the true meaning behind the conversation.
Place you meet Potential Dating Prospects:
If you are a drinker, where is the most common place you meet people? At Bars or Clubs. Half the time you are drunk, horny and looking for the 'special someone' that you can have a one night stand with. I know, it's harsh but more often then not men and women (yes women, we are not innocent of this act) brave the night for some good lovin. That being said, how is it possible to really meet someone of dating quality in that type of environment? There are other places to meet people: church, through friends, random run ins at a store, the gym, etc. but for me this never happens. I don't go to church, have kept the same group of friends who all have boyfriends, never go to the store to shop, and dread being picked up at the gym. So where does that leave me? Online dating? Well from the previous paragraph you can probably tell that is not for me either. See my dilemma?
Competition......Yes, I really did say it.
No matter what anyone tells you we are all jealous. There are different levels of jealousy not to mention ways in which to express it but it is in all of us. My jealousy lies in the competition. Yes I do check out other girls, Yes I try to pick out their flaws and compare myself and Yes, I be-friend those girls to know my competition. This is my personal struggle in the dating world because maybe I am so concerned about my competition and what they think that it takes away from my personality. (Note to self: Stop!)
Honestly, I could go on and on with this one. So if you have someone and you love them, hold on to them tight. Don't let go, seize each moment with them. Enjoy life and having someone to enjoy it with because when you are single and in the dating world it is not as fun as you think it may be. The grass is not always greener on the other side. It is not all fun and games. But there is one thing that I do know, even though love is a battlefield I am ready to wage war. Because after the war there is always a victory.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Moving Sucks
I have come to the realization in my life that I have moved more in the last 10 years of my life than any one person should ever move in a lifetime. 15 times! That is more then once a year....I think there is something wrong with this picture. I have met so many people who have only ever moved once and that was to move out of their parents house or a couple times because of school and such but 15 times is just ridiculous. Did you know......the average person moves 12 times in their lives in America and in the UK it is 16 times. How is it that I am 24 years young and have already surpassed that? Is it my need for constant change, thirst for new starts, or searching for the one place to call home? Enough is enough. It is time to find a place to call HOME and for good (at least longer then 2 years :)) My goal is that by the end of the year I will find that home and be moved in and yes, I will own it. I think right now that is the only thing that is going to keep me from the constant moving cycle.
On a side note. With my experience I am always willing to help my friends move. Please, use my expertise to help make your moving experience an organized and smooth one.
On a side note. With my experience I am always willing to help my friends move. Please, use my expertise to help make your moving experience an organized and smooth one.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Trying to get back into the swing of things...
OK OK, I gave up blogging way to quick. Like most women I am driven by instant satisfaction and with no comments on my blog and the negative reaction of some of my friends remote interest I became a hermit. But no more. This is my pledge to myself. I enjoy conversation and blogging and letting people know how I feel, and I care about what others have to say as well. I will make it a goal over the next month to post at least 3 blogs a week. I think that is reasonable. Now I can't guarantee the content is going to be of any meaning or maybe even remotely interesting but at least I will be making the conscious effort to complete something that I started nearly 5 months ago.
Well that is enough for now, I am headed for a couple drinks with my friend Jessica and her man. We will see where the night takes me. Hopefully it will provide inspiration for a little story tomorrow for my page. Until then......
Well that is enough for now, I am headed for a couple drinks with my friend Jessica and her man. We will see where the night takes me. Hopefully it will provide inspiration for a little story tomorrow for my page. Until then......
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